While you are pregnant, and especially once you have the baby, you’re likely to be flooded with words of “wisdom” from your friends, family, or even strangers. While their intentions are pure, some of the advice that new mums get can sometimes do more harm than good.

We’re here to tell you just three of the most common pieces of advice that new mums hear constantly, and why you can politely nod then ignore them.

“Quit holding your baby too much, or you’ll spoil them.”

It’s impossible to spoil your baby in their first few months of life. Newborns rely on physical touch to develop, and it’s great for mum as well. As they age, your child will naturally want to be more independent, whether you held them a lot as a baby or not.

This also applies to when you want to pick your baby up when they start to cry. Crying is the only way your baby knows how to get their needs met, and they aren’t developed enough to use it as a manipulation tactic. So, by all means, hold your baby as much as you want to settle them down.

“Don’t worry, you can always sleep when the baby sleeps.”

The problem with this advice is that it’s simply not realistic. When you get your baby to sleep, there’s probably a million other things that need to be done, from dishes to laundry to cooking. Or, you may prefer to take this time to focus on yourself and take an extra long shower, spend time with your partner, or just watch TV alone on the couch. Sometimes, these tasks take precedence over sleep, even when you are downright exhausted.

“You will feel an instant connection to your baby.”

Some experienced mums might try to get you excited for childbirth by recounting their stories of immediate love, but it doesn’t happen like this for all mothers. Many mums are so exhausted after giving birth that they want nothing to do with their newborn — and that’s completely normal. Bonding with your baby can take time, so if you don’t feel that instant connection that so many people probably told you you would feel, know that you’re not alone and it will come.

In the final months leading to your due date or the first few weeks after giving birth, we’re sure you’ll hear these pieces of advice more than a few times. Just remember to pick and choose which words of wisdom you actually want to take into account. In the end, no other parent, friend, or family member knows what’s best for you or your baby better than you do.